Crucial Thoughts
by Baalsgirl
Summary: Chapter 8 up now. Sam has lost her memory and is now serving Baal.Jack is crestfallen, but doesn't give up searching and finally he gets to her.But does she remember him?
1. Lo'taur

**Crucial Thoughts **_by Baalsgirl_

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate:SG-1 or any of the series' characters ( a pity if you ask me...). But I own the story line and some small, but important characters,

Season: 6 (Because the story is linked with "Abyss" a bit and to give Jonas a little chance to appear again...)

Rating: PG-13 (oh-oh...)

Pairings: Sam/Jack

Summary: Sam has lost her memory and is deliberately serving Baal. Fine so far, but this doesn't mean Jack wouldn't search her and finally he gets to her of course. But it seams as if she has really forgotten about him. Though somewhere deep inside her memories are already on fire bubbling up again...

Chapter 1 - Lo'ta 

"Jack!" her scream filled the night, she shot up sweating. What had just happened? She could not explain it, fear was overcoming her.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, it was Leah. "It's alright, Samantha, it was just a nightmare. Get back to sleep, it's an important day for you tomorrow."

Samantha nodded and lay down again. For the rest of the night she slept peacefully.

The next morning she woke up very early; it seemed as if every single part of her knew how important this day was for her.

She got up and washed her hands and face as every morning, then she waited for Leah who had promised to take care of the dress she would wear today.

And finally, after about half an hour of waiting Leah arrived carrying the dress in her arms.

"It's so beautiful", Samantha smiled.

"No?" the older servant returned her smile, "If you don't look gorgeous enough in it to please our lord, I wouldn't know what to say."

Samantha got up from the edge of the bed. "Our lord ...", she pondered, "Leah, you've never told me how he actually is. I mean, is he cruel? Is he moody? I'm so nervous. He's the first Goa'uld I'll ever meet..."

(AN: Total blackout ?! But don't worry, chances look good she'll regain things during the story...)

"Well, child; Lord Baal can be very impulsive", Leah sighed, "but I strongly believe that he'll like you. Since he was notified of your arrival he has taken keen interest in you. I didn't wonder much as he has considered you as a possible new Lo'ta. And maybe he'll choose you today", she added with a bright smile.

Samantha blushed a bit, "Do you really think? I still have no idea how to behave in front of him."

"It's best to be quiet as long as you're not asked to speak", Leah advised her, "But now we'd better get you dressed. Our lord can be very impatient."

After the de-briefing of their latest mission Jack O'Neill and Teal'C remained in the conference room talking.

"I still believe that we'll find Sam", Jack stated sounding more desperate than he wanted to, "What do you think?"

"O'Neill, we gave up searching Major Carter almost a month ago. Forgive me, but I am not that optimistic concerning this matter. There's a great many of planets where she could be stranded", Teal'C returned.

"Let's just hope the people there are friendly", Jack sighed rising from the table, "Do you mind if I don't join you for supper tonight?"

"I do not", the Jaffa stood up as well. He knew exactly what his comrade was going to right now and that it was best to leave him enough space for himself and his thoughts, "I see you tomorrow, O'Neill."

He nodded, "All right, Teal'C, see you, then", a short moment later he was gone.

"I can't accompany you further than this. The rest you'll have to accomplish on your own.", Leah said leaving Samantha alone in the hallway leading to the throne room.

Samantha knew the way she had to take and with a nervous feeling tensing her body she went on. After a short while she reached her destination. In front of the huge doors she tried collected herself once again, then she nodded at one of the guards to let her in.

As the door closed behind her she had to wince, but she did not stop slowly walking on keeping her eyes fixed to the floor. Short in front of the pedestal the throne was standing on, she fell to her knees bowing deeply.

"I've been waiting for you", the sound of his voice made Samantha freeze, "Look up when I'm talking to you."

She lifted her upper body and raised her head, but still Samantha did not dare to look up.

"Better", Baal got down from the pedestal and circled her once coming to a stop right in front of her. He raised her chin with his hand. "Beautiful", he stated letting go of her again.

Samantha blushed a bit trying to hide it as good as she could.

"Tell me your name."

"Samantha, my lord", she brought out quietly.

"You know what I'm expecting from you?"

"Yes, my lord", she quickly bit her lip calming herself.

"I won't allow any kind of failure", he lectured her, "if I should get to know about any unfaithfulness, I will not show mercy with you. Do you understand that?"

"Perfectly", Samantha felt a cold shower running down her back.

"Good", the Goa'uld paused for a moment that felt like eternity to her.

"I will give you a chance to prove yourself as my personal servant. Don't disappoint me."

Samantha did not know what to say until she managed to bow once again bringing out a soft, "Thank you for your trust, my lord."

But then she did not dare to get up from her knees again until he finally allowed her to rise dismissing her.

Leah was pacing through the room nervously as Samantha returned.

"And?" she almost jumped at her younger friend so excited was she, "How did it go?"

"He gives me a chance", Samantha informed her with an eased smile on her face.

"That's... great", Leah embraced her, "you've just reached what I've always dreamed to be."

"I know, but somehow it feels so ... strange", Samantha sighed.

"Oh, come on", the older woman calmed her, "I'm sure you can fill Sha'lan's place. Poor girl, her sacrilege will never be forgotten."

(AN: Remember her, our Miss "Is this you?" ?)

"She did it", Samantha muttered to herself, "because she loved..."

"What?" Leah shot her a worried glance.

"Nothing", she replied quickly, afraid of these words she had just spoken; she had no idea where they had come from.

Okay, so far, I hope I didn't bore anybody and you're forgiving me my slight Baal-craze.

But, hey that's what finally came out of the whole poem idea and I think it's much better and easier extend. You?


	2. Calamity

Chapter 2 - Calamity

AN: All right, after a, I find, mediocre first chapter, I hope this'll be better, it's more emotional.

That night Samantha was dreaming again, of an unfamiliar place and people she did not remember in any way; and there was him again, for the blink of an eye he seemed strangely familiar, then she even knew his name, Jack. Then again she forgot all about him and he was just a stranger like all the others.

The next morning she woke up sweating, not remembering that she had dreamt of anything.

Samantha got up washing herself and brushing her shoulder-long hair tying it into a knot.

(AN: I couldn't resist, I just love her hair...)

She put on her black dress and as she was about to leave Leah entered her room,

"Good Morning, child."

"Good Morning, Leah", she returned, "I didn't expect you now. Is it something special, or...?"

The older servant hesitated for a short moment, then she slowly shook her head, "No, no, it's just that I wanted to look after you."

Samantha knew exactly that Leah was holding something back, but she did not show it right now smiling back at her, "It's good you're here. I was wondering whether you had some tips for me, for my first day as Baal's lo'ta."

"Just don't anger him", Leah responded, "I think you'd better get to work now."

"Yeah, it's about time for morning tea, I'd better go picking it up...", Samantha turned around and left her small bedroom. On her through the corridors of the fortress she pondered a lot about Leah's strange behavior this morning. What had happened that her friend could not freely tell her?

Finally she gave up searching for reasons deciding to concentrate on her new work and to talk to the other woman in the evening.

Leah sighed as she returned to her own room next to Samantha's. She had been worried about her young friend for quite awhile now. In nights like the last one, when her worry even held her from sleeping, she went to look after the younger woman.

Often she found her talking in her sleep or shaken by nightmares. But what she had witnessed this night had been the most worrying thing ever:

Samantha had been talking in the language of the Tauri. The things she had been saying, as far as Leah had been able to understand them, were not good for her, especially not at the position she was having now, some day it would put her and others into grave danger.

But then, as Leah wanted to talk to her about it she had not been able to do so fearing to confuse the young woman in any way that would hold her off from working.

Also there were many other things the two of them had to talk about in that matter, as there was the strange statement about Sha'lan Samantha had made the other day...

In the evening they would surely find time for all of that, Leah calmed herself now trying to think of her tasks for the day.

Jack ordered the papers on his desk. He sighed. This was much easier than putting order into the heavy thoughts that were on his mind. Inwardly he was looking forward to the mission SG-1 would be going on soon, maybe they would finally find Sam or at least find any clue...

She had been gone for over five months now and Jack felt how every further minute without her made him more depressed and it even felt as if he was slowly becoming nuts...

He prayed that Sam would return from wherever she was now, not leaving him that damn alone here.

Once again he imagined where she could be, as his thoughts came on the possibility that she could be in the hands of any Goa'uld he gave up thinking about it hanging his head.

No, he persuaded himself, this wouldn't happen to her. Then again he doubted his own desperate optimism. Jack had enough of it. He rose, angrily throwing a folder against the wall. He needed a break so he decided to go to the cafeteria slamming the door behind him.

Samantha had put away the washed clothes and now she started to tidy her master's private quarters for the audience he would give this afternoon.

She was almost half-done with it as, all of a sudden, somebody was standing behind her. A strange sensation went through her body, it made her realize that it was Baal. She stiffened as she turned around bowing before him not looking up for a second,

"My lord?"

"You can leave this work", he ordered her, "go and take care of the food, now."

"Yes, _s.._", she was startled, what was it she was about to say?, quickly she corrected herself, "my lord", luckily Baal did not seem to have remarked something.

Samantha left the room, letting out a relieved breath. What had she been thinking? The word that had been on her mind, it felt so alien to her. Sir. It was in her thoughts, but she did not know where it came from, it had no meaning, or had it only lost any meaning?

She was scared of herself now. Maybe all this strange things she thought by day and sometimes dreamt of at night, maybe they had to say something, but what could it be? It was all so vague, so confusing...

Samantha entered the kitchen collecting the things her master had requested for the audience. For her luck the work kept her thoughts from wandering too much, but though she swore to herself that it could not go on with her like that forever, a solution needed to be found as soon as possible.

Late in the evening Jack was lying in his bed trying to finish one of his comic books to distract himself a bit. It did not work very well this time. He always had to think of what Sam had always said about his comics:

She had always smiled telling him that they were the second craze of his she would never really understand, coming right after all these crossword puzzles he used to do.

Sometimes she had asked him if he didn't want to read a decent book before going to bed, just to kid him a little, since she knew very well that this was never going to happen.

Jack threw the book away and switched off the light trying to find some sleep. But he was not successful with that; instead he started to sob and finally he cried unable to fight back his tears. He could not hold this loneliness out for long any more...

As Samantha returned to her room that night Leah was already waiting for her.

"We have to talk", she stated folding her arms in front of her chest.

"I know", Samantha sat down on her bed.

"You're worrying me a lot", the older woman began right away, "your strange behavior in the last time and all these weird dreams ... they can cause you calamity."

"I know", she sighed, "I'm scared of all that myself. I had a worrying experience this afternoon and what did you remark?"

"You've been talking in your sleep last night."

Samantha shot her a confused glance, "About what?"

"I did not quite understand it. It was in the language of the Tauri."

"What?" now she was highly terrified, "I don't know this language and I can't recall that I've ever known it."

Leah was eyeing her with even greater worry and fear now, "How's that possible?"

"It isn't", she shook her head slowly, "but we need to find an explanation for it all."

"And you have to be very careful", her friend admonished her, "if Baal ever gets to know about any of these incidents, I don't know what he'll do with you..."

"I know", Samantha dropped her head a bit, "I'm so scared, Leah", she added softly with tears flowing down her cheeks.

Leah sat down by her side, embracing her. "Shsh, it's all right, we'll find a solution for it all, but please, please don't cry, that isn't good for you."

But Samantha could not help herself and she went on crying for a long, long time unable to stop. Something had to be wrong with her and all the things around, suddenly it all felt so strange.

Okay, so far. Hope y'all like, though it's only one chapter this time. I haven't been so well this week, but next week I'll try to post more than two further chapters...

Oh, and who didn't know what a lo'ta is: It's a Goa'uld's personal servant. We had that, didn't we?


	3. Sickness Falls

Chapter 3 - Sickness Falls 

Three more months had passed without happenings. With every mission Jack had become more and more desperate. Sam was not to be found anywhere and on none of the planets they had been to anybody had known a thing.

But though Jack was not willing to accept that his friend might be dead. As long as she was listed as missing in action he would not give her up.

His thoughts were set on the next mission, something told him that he had to find anything there and he kept up his hope trying not to go mad.

Sam, his mind was only fixed on her, he would return her home, of that he was still more than sure...

A lot of time had passed since Samantha's qualification time was over, she had become more and more comfortable in carrying out her task as Baal's personal servant and he seemed to be very content with her work.

Also she had learnt to control her errant thoughts, at least for the time during the day where they could cause her trouble; at night they were still haunting her like a dark spirit overshadowing her mind and in the morning she mostly remembered nothing of all that, only the things Leah had come to observe.

Samantha tried to think about these things as less as possible, fully concentrating on her work, and as it seemed her attitude was slowly paying off:

Baal had already given her bigger quarters and she had a handful of other servants under her that she could give orders to.

Also she was no longer forced to kneel before her lord, something she had never dared to wish. But with all that had come a lot of responsibility and Samantha strained herself even more to satisfy her lord, since she had come to know very well how fiery his temper could be.

But this day something should happen that would scare her to the bone, something every servant was afraid of:

In the morning everything had been as usual; Samantha had gotten up early fulfilling her usual tasks. In the afternoon she had felt unusually hot, but this feeling had faded again, as quickly as it had come.

Later, as she was serving Baal and his guests during an important meeting, the hot feeling returned and suddenly vertigo was overcoming her.

Before she could react in any way, Samantha fainted, fearful thoughts were bubbling up, she had just dishonored her god with her weakness, Leah had often told her what had happened to those who had had this bad luck ... this was the end. Then darkness found its way into her mind and everything went black.

Hours later Samantha awoke again, she felt hot and blurred by fever. She was lying in a bed, but it was not her own. She tried to focus to have a look around. These were Baal's quarters; but how had she come here? She could not recall that.

Samantha was shocked as her master suddenly stood by her side. She pushed herself up with her elbows trying to stay calm.

"My lord, I... I'm sorry", she stammered averting her eyes from him.

"Sorry?", she felt his icy look on her. "Lie down again", he ordered her in a tone that did not allow contradiction, "we will talk about your fault later."

"Yes", Samantha whispered as she lay down again not daring to look up at her master.

Baal was wondering about this woman he had chosen as his lo'ta. She was different from most of the other Tauri. She had always known what he was expecting from her since the first day; to her obedience seemed to be an understatement, but without knowing it she was rebellious at the same time.

Never had he gotten to know where she came from, since she really seemed to having forgotten everything except for her name. These preliminary conditions made her an excellent object he could influence and mold according to his wishes.

So he had not seen a need to punish her for the outbreak sickness she was suffering from, such an action would not further his course. Also it was not yet time to get rid of her, she was still young and valuable for him.

Later that day Baal returned to look after Samantha who was still ashamed of herself unable to understand why he had let her live.

"My lord?" she inquired shyly not looking up, "forgive me this question, but when can I get back to work?"

"When your meningitis is cured", he replied emotionlessly, "I don't want you to infect my other servants."

Samantha gasped for air. Meningitis, this was a highly dangerous disease; why did Baal allow her to stay alive with it? Even if he kept her away from the other servants they could still be infected themselves, it would have been a lot easier to kill her.

She did not dare to ask her lord about his reasons, also her fear to stir his anger increased. What would happen if she would have one of these jeopardous nightmares now? How would Baal react?

She fell asleep full of fright and confusion.

The new mission came closer and closer. Jack was becoming more and more optimistic with every minute that passed. The last night he had had a sort of prophetic dream, telling him that Sam would soon be by his side again, he believed in that message, eager to start for the new planet making it come true...

All right, some tension here... Next chapter? Let's see ... I'll try to be finished on Tuesday, but I can't really promise it 2 u.


	4. So Close

Chapter 4 - So Close

Jack had a look around the perimeter of the Stargate. Everything seemed to be calm. He showed the rest of his team to move out. After a short while they reached a small village. Its inhabitants were obviously afraid hiding from them.

"Hello?" Jack called scanning the main road. Nobody reacted or showed up from his hiding-out.

Now it was Jonas's try. "You can come out. We won't harm you. We're just peaceful explorers."

"O'Neill? Jonas Quinn?" Teal'C seemed to have found something. He was kneeling in the dust picking up something that appeared to be some kind of amulet.

"What is it, Teal'C?" Jack inquired.

"I have seen this before."

"May I?" Jonas asked taking it from the Jaffa. "This appears to be something religious", he pondered, "could be something follower of a Goa'uld would wear. I recall the signs, they stand for..."

"Baal", he and Teal'C stated at once.

"So this planet could be one of his", Jack concluded. All of a sudden he had to think of Sam. What if she had really stranded here, could she be in the hands of this bastard, now. Crap, this was the worst thing that could have possibly happened to her. He prayed that his dream had nothing to do with reality.

"That's likely", Jonas replied.

Suddenly one of the villagers showed up and came walking up to them. Out of reflex Jack pointed his rifle at him.

"Please", the man fell on his knees, "don't harm me", he pleaded full of fear.

"What is it?" Jack asked.

"You shall be warned", he went on, "the troops of our lord will arrive here soon. You should leave as long as you're able to do so."

"Your lord is Baal, right?" Jonas exquired.

The man nodded and left them alone again, running away as quickly as he could.

"You've heard him", Jack said, "We'd better get going if we wanna get outta here in one piece."

The three of them returned to the gate; on the way there they could see a fleet of Alkeshs emerging on the horizon.

"Jonas, dial us out", Jack ordered, but as Jonas had entered the sixth symbol an incoming wormhole cut their connection.

"Shit, take cover", Jack and the others ran down the small hill throwing themselves into the bushes at its edge.

Something inside Jack was happy that they were trapped, maybe this would be the way to Sam, he would have found her, no matter whatever would happen to him, if he fell into the hands of Baal for a second time.

He damned this thoughts as a battalion of Jaffa was coming through the gate. They marched away into the direction of the village not discovering the team. But then one of the attack cruisers approached firing a volley right into their hiding.

Jack was caught by the explosion in jump, sending him flying through the air. Now the Jaffa remarked them. Soon it came to a battle and Jack was trapped between the lines unable to run away.

"Colonel!" he saw how Jonas came crawling toward him while Teal'C was trying to distract fire from them.

"Retreat", Jack yelled through the noise of fire surrounding them, "Leave me here."

"No", Jonas kept on closing.

"That's an order."

But it was too late, one of the Jaffa aimed his staff at the young man and he was hit before he could get away. Almost at the same moment Jack was zatted from behind. His last thoughts were with Sam before he finally passed out.

Aboard one of the ships Jack regained consciousness again. It did not take long until two guards appeared pulling him up to his feet taking him to one of Baal's fortresses using the transport rings.

Jack tried to glance around, but Jonas was nowhere to be found. As the Jaffa took him through the corridors he tried to orientate himself, but all of the ways looked the same.

Suddenly something else caught his eye: Two female servants were crossing their way. One of them turned around, she looked like Sam, nay, she was Sam. For a moment their eyes met, but hers only stared at him, they appeared to be empty of remembrance.

Jack wanted to call her name, but then the other servant urged her to walk on and they were gone vanishing around a corner.

He cursed inwardly, for a short moment he had been so damn close to her. Then again he soothed himself, at least Sam was here and there was still a slight chance to save her. But at that moment he did not know _how_ slight it actually was...

To be continued...


	5. Encounter

Chapter 5 - Encounter 

Samantha had just recovered from her sickness and was eager to work again, she knew that her life had been dependant on her master's good will like never before. She was now more careful than she had been before; she did not want to challenge her fate in any way ever again.

Now she had promised Leah to help her with the preparation of a banquet that would take place the next day. The two of them were on their way to get some decorative items together as it happened:

Along one of the hallways they were crossing came two Jaffa. They had a captive with them. For an instant Samantha's look fell on that man; it was as if a flash went through her mind, she was like paralyzed and could not take her eyes off him again.

"Samantha", Leah whispered putting a hand on her arm, "don't stare. We have to go now."

Her friend dragged her around the corner and the two women continued their way.

"What were you thinking?" Leah exquired, "A wrong glance at the wrong moment can be very dangerous."

"I'm aware of that, Leah", Samantha responded, "But it was as if I knew that man from somewhere."

"You must not know him, especially not if he is an enemy of our god, see?"

She nodded, "I know, but maybe he's the key to my memories..."

"Even if ...", the older servant sighed, "you are not to get close to him. You would disappoint your lord and you just can't do that after all he has done for you."

"I know that this is the most ungrateful wish I could possibly have, but perhaps I have to risk it", Samantha stated very sure of what to do.

"Don't...", Leah began, but gave it up at once as she saw that Samantha was running away calling back at her:

"I'm sorry, Baal expects me, I've got work to do."

Leah merely shook her head full of concern returning to her own work.

Jack was not taken to a holding cell, the Jaffa brought him to their master at once. They threw Jack to the ground in front of Baal's throne rudely, then they took up position by the door.

"Hey", Jack complained, "where've you guys left your manners?"

"The question is: Where have you left yours?" Baal looked down on him full of disgust, "so you're stupid enough to return and anger me once again?"

"Not my problem to bump into you gorillas everywhere I go", Jack retorted looking up at him. For a short moment his eyes fell on a movement behind the throne: Sam was standing there. He caught his breath looking away from her, it would do no good to put her into danger.

"What are you staring at?" Baal wanted to know, "Do you want to steal another servant from me?"

"Never intended to", Jack muttered.

Baal turned around at Sam, obviously telling her to leave them alone, since a short moment later she had gone to another room.

"Can you imagine what fate expects you this time? It was entirely foolish of you to get into my sight once again. We still have some unfinished business", he told him angrily.

"Come on. Don't say you're still sour because of the spoiled party we had last time?" Jack retorted.

"Fly into your pathetic cynicism if you want to", the Goa'uld was obviously more than disturbed by his behavior, "You have spied me, you have uncloaked my most secret base leaving it to devastation and finally you have abducted my servant. For all that you will not get away with impunity. You will pay for it feeling the full extent of my wrath, as will your friend, prepare for suffering worse than death."

(AN: Who has got a problem with that? Well.. I do. Poor Jack, poor Jojo.)

"Yeah, whatever", Jack rolled his eyes inwardly knowing for sure that Baal was not joking.

"I warn you. Don't challenge me. You fate is in my hands", he showed the guards to take Jack away.

To get back to her quarters Samantha had to cross a corridor where some of the holding cells were located.

Suddenly someone was calling her.

"Hey", she spun around with a start.

"Who... who are you?" she asked with fear.

"Sam? It's me, Jonas. Don't you remember me?"

"I don't think so", something deep inside told her to keep on talking with this prisoner, but her instinct and her reason were forcing her away from him. Finally she listened to her reason and turned away from him without another word to say, leaving as quickly as she could.

As the cells were almost out of her side she saw that the two Jaffa were putting the other man she had seen before into exactly the same cell.

Maybe these two people belonged to her past life in any inexplicable way.

More to follow this weekend, if I'll be ready, then.


	6. Pathetic

Chapter 6 - Pathetic 

Jack sat up against the wall as the Jaffa had left the cell. He eyed Jonas who was sitting opposite to him.

"You shouldn't be here", he stated after awhile, "It's enough that Baal's got me to torture."

"If I would've been quicker he'd have none of us", Jonas sighed, "But maybe that would be no good either. Sam is here, she came along here not so long ago and I tried to talk to her..."

"I've seen her, too. Seems as if she has become Baal's servant", Jack said, "What did she say?"

"Obviously she doesn't remember us."

"So it seems", Jack groaned, "That all is such a crap... And I don't have an idea how to get outta here taking her with us."

"We'll think of something", Jonas tried to calm him with not much of an effect.

There were heavy footsteps to be heard in the corridor.

"Looks as if they're coming for us", Jack remarked with a flight of hopelessness.

An instant later two guards entered the cell taking Jonas. The young alien struggled to stand on his own feet and Jack could see how bad his leg had actually been hurt by the staff blast, the wound was huge almost covering the whole side of Jonas's left thigh.

"Hey, you'd better take me", he called to the two Jaffa who did not react on it.

"It's all right, Colonel", Jonas tried to assure him, pain in his face, "I'll get along with it."

"This is what you think", Jack sighed as they were gone with him.

Samantha bit her lip; she was in her quarters hanging after her thoughts. Baal did no longer need her services for the rest of the day.

First of all she had tried to relax and sleep a bit. But then again the dreams had returned and the strange happenings of the day were on her mind again:

Who were these two strangers she had seen? They seemed to know her from somewhere, but she could not recall them.

Suddenly her thoughts fell on one of the dreams she had had. One of these two had been in it. His name returned into her mind. It was Jack.

Jack. The name moved something in her heart. For a moment she remembered exactly who he was. Then again this clear recollection changed into a slight idea of knowledge about him.

At once the dangerous wish to see him and to get to know him again formed inside Samantha's head.

No, she could not do it. But her heart requested her to. It would mean complete impiety toward Baal, she admonished herself.

All of a sudden these thoughts felt so pathetic: Piety? Was this the only thing holding her back from following her own wants. Or was it actually fear, the fear of punishment through her lord, if he got to know about her acting?

But who said that he had to get to know about it? The risk appeared to fade immediately.

Samantha took all her courage and left to find the key to her memory. She quickly left her quarters for the holding cells.

Leah who had just come to visit her she did not notice with a single glance.

"Samantha? Where are you going?"

She did not respond her friend continuing her way.

Jack turned his head. He let out a surprised breath as he saw who was standing on the other side of the force field.

"Sam?" he whispered.

She came closer toward the cell. "Who are you?" she questioned.

"It's me, Jack", he replied.

"And who do you think I am?"

"You are Major Samantha Carter. You used to be the second in command on my team and", he held on.

"And?" she seemed to be eager to know it.

"And my best and most trusted friend', he ended.

"So", she pondered for a moment, "I don't remember any of it, but I seem to remember you from somewhere."

"We've been serving together for the last six years, so you should remember me."

"That's what I do", she came closer stopping only a step away from the energy field. Jack rose himself closing her as well. That moment both of them stretched out their hands, it was like magic.

They got in touch not feeling the heat of the energy separating them.

"We're in trouble", Jack told her, "can you do something to get us out? We could take you home, then."

She let go of his hands, "I... I can't", she stammered turning away from him running through the corridor not looking back.

A short moment later the Jaffa returned Jonas. He sank to the floor almost like dead; he was pale and cramping with pain.

"God, Jonas", Jack rolled him over to his side, "You okay?"

"I'll live", his team mate returned weakly.

Jack clenched his fists. This was not how it should end. He swore that they would get out of this and that he would take revenge for all that on this bastard of a snakehead.

"What did you do?" Leah was almost yelling at her younger friend, "This should not have happened. You know very well about the consequences of such a disobedience."

Samantha nodded slowly, "All I wanted was to get to know about my past."

"This is no reason. If Baal gets to know about it, and sooner or later this'll happen, he won't spare you."

"I know", she sighed, "but somehow I don't even regret what I've done."

"And that after all our lord has done for you?", Leah was completely perplexed, "How can a _servant_ be that ungrateful?"

Samantha looked up at the older woman, "Leah, in my old life I was no servant, I was free."

"Freedom won't save you in this life", Leah turned away and left without another word to say. Samantha's behavior had more than upset her. If she would not be her best friend she would have given her away now. But she trusted her feeling making her know that nothing would change and that Samantha would accept her fate again.

Samantha had a strange feeling. It was as if all of a sudden she started to hate Baal with all her body and soul. She doubted his decisions and everything he was doing.

She started to believe the things she had heard about him torturing people and she realized the truth that was in these stories, a part of her mind knew since long ago, longer than she had been here, how cruel he actually was.

She damned her powerlessness. It was a lie, like most of the other things the servants were held to believe.

But though she now thought that way she was still fearing Baal and a part of her mind was still ordering her to stay faithful toward him and to fulfil his orders, persuading her that this was the only way to change things.

Also she realized that she had never been affected by this Goa'uld's cruelty; he had always been good to her, among the other servants he had always favored her and most important of all: He had saved her life, something he had not done for any other servants ever before.

This fact was what bound her to him, holding her from defection, making Baal remain something like a god to her.

Samantha's mind was split and troubled, it felt like schizophrenia and she was deeply pained and affected by it. All she wanted was that this situation would soon be over. Otherwise it would completely break her...

To be continued in some more emotional fireworks. I hope you've liked it so far.


	7. Try

Chapter 7 - Try 

The next morning Samantha went to work as usual preparing the tea for her lord. As she was in Baal's rooms something was different than usual.

His eyes were on her all the time, she felt how he followed every single move she made. Samantha tried not to notice it and went on as she always did it.

But then he was suddenly standing behind her. She turned around lowering her eyes.

"My lord? Is something wrong?" she inquired cautiously.

"I could ask you the same question", he replied, "You are not concentrated today. Why?"

Samantha hesitated: Did he get to know about the last day's happenings? Then she responded him,

"I didn't sleep much at night."

"You had enough time to sleep", Baal stated, "What was holding you off?"

"Thoughts, my lord", she said softly.

"You shouldn't think too much, that's not good for you. Tell me what was on your mind", he demanded.

"The prisoners", Samantha bit her lip. The words had slipped her before she could hold them back. Now Baal had to know what was going on. She prepared herself for the worst, but nothing of that kind happened. Her master was merely eyeing her up and down for a while before he went on talking to her in a way he had never done it before:

"The whole thing must have scared you. You should not have been near as I was dealing with him..." he told her it almost seemed as if he was really regretting it, "How he looked at you, in a way in that none of my decent servants shall ever be looked at. But be unconcerned, he'll never get the chance to harm you like he once did it to others."

"What did he do?" Samantha inquired quietly.

"He took Sha'lan away from me. She was stupid enough to trust him. I hope you won't allow him to do the same to you."

"I won't", all of a sudden she was afraid. Taking her away, was that all it was about? She scold herself for her unfaithful behavior; but her mind still told her to say no and not to trust Baal any longer.

Samantha turned to complete her work, but Baal did not want her to. He dismissed her, allowing her to take another day off.

She wondered about that. This affair was definitely bothering him and it seemed as if a lot of it had to do with her as well.

Baal was angered about the fact that the Tauri had shown up just now. Most of his concerns were about Samantha. She was at a point at which she was not yet completely faithful toward him. If she would get too close to the captives they could possibly poison her mind with their talking. Then she would defy him not knowing what she was actually doing.

He had to be very careful if he wanted to keep her. The time to mold her into a perfectly obedient servant was slowly running out. Something had to happen, now or never.

Jack sat on the floor of the cell playing with his watch. This was the only distraction left to him. He had not slept all night if there had been something like that. Jonas was lying next to him, passed out and motionless for quite a while now, he had obviously taken in a lot the other day.

Also Jack's thoughts were all about Sam. She was here, damn finally he had found her. But was she really herself after all? She did not remember who she was and, hell, worst of all that: she was deliberately serving Baal, the worst snakehead in the galaxy, coming right after Anubis.

These facts, they stirred him. But still there was a chance to save his friend. Maybe she just needed to get of this hellhole and to be brought back home where she could remember everything.

But first of all they had to find a way out which was sort of hopeless at the moment.

That moment two guards came for him. They pulled him up pushing him out into the corridor.

Show time, Jack thought. He looked down collecting his strength. At this moment Sam passed him, he did not remark her this time since she hid herself behind the next corner as she saw him.

It did not take long until they reached the torture chamber. The Jaffa took him to the middle of the room where an invisible anti-gravity field pulled him up.

From that moment on Jack's mind developed its own life. Recalling the happenings of the last time Baal had been torturing him his mind took away Jack's feeling of time and reality.

He knew that he was still conscious and able to see, but nothing more, it all lost its sense.

Jack was well aware that Baal was present now. The Goa'uld was apparently talking to him and he was somehow answering. Consciously he had no control of all that. He felt pain and he knew that he was bleeding, but this all did not really matter to him, it was all sort of flowing around him. Why was this happening did really his mind do all that or was it happening on purpose of Baal?

The thought formed in his head, but he could not clearly grasp it just like all the other things going through his mind.

Suddenly Sam was there. Could this be real or was Jack completely drifting away now? He sensed that he was not yet dead, perhaps this was the beginning of the end...

Samantha walked through the base a bit, she was not feeling like going to her quarters. To cope with all her thoughts she needed to move.

There was one question on her mind which needed to be answered before she could find any kind of rest this day: Who was lying to her, Baal or Jack, Jack or Baal? But perhaps both did? Whom could she trust? The whole thing made her feel so insecure.

That moment she saw two Jaffa coming along the corridor. Jack was with them. He seemed to be sort of desperate looking down to the floor.0.

Where were they taking him? Was it possible that the rumors about torture she had heard were true?

Samantha decided to go to the cells awaiting Jack's return. All of a sudden she did no longer want words to answer her questions, she wanted facts.

After about three hours the guards brought Jack back. He was only semi-conscious and as soon as he was lying on the floor of the cell he broke down.

Samantha jumped up, she needed to be with him. For her look she had seen the code she needed to enter to deactivate the force field.

She went inside the cell kneeling down next to him. "Jack", she whispered gently shaking him.

"Jack", she was calling his name. He felt how she was shaking him. Jack squinted trying to get clarity into his head again. This was real, no wicked wishful dream, reality!

"Sam", he tried to rise. But a tremendous surge of pain threw hi back to the ground. This was the worst he had ever felt, Baal must have been really angry with him.

A scream left his lips. Crap, this was no good.

"You're hurt", Sam stated, "Was it torture?"

He managed to nod, wincing with torment.

At once Sam was pulled up and aside by someone. Jack was too weak to look up so he could merely listen to the heated discussion going on, but he did not understand a single word...

Suddenly somebody took hold of Sam's arm pulling her up. It was Leah.

"What are you doing here?" she yelled.

"Quiet", Samantha returned in a whisper, "I couldn't leave him lying here like that."

"You will be punished for this", Leah replied sharply.

Punished. Samantha's thoughts started to race. The question returned: Who was lying to her? Now she decided for herself. Baal was the goddamned liar. He was stealing her freedom.

For a moment these thoughts did not feel like her own, then she realized that they were defining who she actually was. And that was definitely not a Goa'uld's servant.

"We need to help them, Baal is playing his evil game with them", she then returned.

"Are you crazy?" Leah was roused.

"No and you will help me", Sam grabbed her shoulders.

For a long while the older servant merely stared at her then she sighed, "What do you want me to do?"

"Get me hot, water, bandages and a strong painkiller", Samantha ordered her, "This has to be enough until we escaped."

"We? You are going with them? You don't know how foolish this is..." Leah turned around and left.

Some moments later she returned with the things Samantha had requested. She knelt down again taking care of Jack's worst injuries. She had the feeling that she had done this kind of thing before though she could not recall it, there had to be truth in the things Jack had told her about her past life.

Sam bent down over him again. He felt how she was working on his injuries, cleaning and bandaging them. Jack bit his lip, he tried not to make things more difficult for her; but though tears were in his eyes and he cramped together, cursing silently for several times. Then all of a sudden his pain faded, she had to have given him some kind of painkiller that started to take effect.

Jack sat up slowly and saw that Sam was now taking care of Jonas the same way. After a while the young alien was rising as well, carefully sitting up against the wall slowly regaining full consciousness again.

Now Sam helped Jack up.

"We have to leave here", she told him.

She helped Jonas up to his feet as well. Then the three of them cautiously left the cell having a look around the corridor. It was empty. So they went on to the next junction, but there they bumped into a group of four Jaffa.

Jack had not yet reacted as Sam had already taken out half of them. Now he knocked one of them over, too, with his elbow. The fourth one was Sam's business again.

They took the guards' staffs and zats with them. After some more turns and junctions the group finally reached a secret exit leading right into the woods.

They ran for the Stargate taking out the contingent of Jaffa guarding it.

"Jonas", Jack called, "dial Alpha Site."

Jonas nodded activating the DHD.

That moment Jaffa appeared from all directions, they were trapped with no way out. The three of them had to surrender. They were all snatched and taken back to the base.

Too late. Baal had waited too long. Now there was no way of keeping that woman as his lo'taur anymore She had committed high treason. This defection had to be severely punished...


	8. Unacceptance

Chapter 8 - Unacceptance 

They were brought forward to Baal at once. The Goa'uld was more than roused about their try to escape. But he did not do what Jack expected, he did not attack him in the first place. Most of his wrath unloaded on Sam.

"Stupid thing", he growled pulling her forward by grabbing her wrist. Sam fought him, but she had no chance against him.

"How dare you defying your god? You have sworn obedience to me", he slapped her face making her fall to the floor. She was on her knees shaking burying her face in her hands, as she took them away again Jack saw the blood on them. A moment later he saw where it was coming from: one of her cheeks was almost completely covered with blood, some of the veins seemed to have burst.

Out of reflex Jack jumped forward. "Leave her", he called to Baal. He tried to get to Sam, but two of the guards were holding him back.

The Goa'uld did not care for him. He forced Sam further to the ground by tearing on her hair. She was now almost on the lying floor before Baal. Her face buried in her hands again she was struggling against her pain.

"You have committed high treason. For this you will die; after I'm finished punishing you for disappointing me like that."

Sam looked up at him defiantly muttering, "You won't do that."

For this statement she took in even more. Baal kicked her side making her fall onto her back. She lay there motionless, unable to get up.

"I thought you were smarter", he looked at her with glowing eyes.

"Smart enough not to accept this fate", Sam brought out weakly.

Suddenly the ground started shaking. The base seemed to be attacked. Jack took the moment to tear away from the Jaffa. He jumped forward landing by Sam's side, pulling her away from Baal.

His pain began to return, but though he ran out of the room carrying her immediately followed by Jonas.

This was the last chance for all of them to escape alive and in one piece. Motivated by this thought Jack sprinted through the corridors...

To be continued. This is going to be exciting people...


	9. Awakening

Chapter 9 - Awakening 

Once again they had made it out of the fortress and they came to the gate without resistance. Jonas had just dialed them out to Alpha Site (AN: Actually that's kind of dangerous because Baal could get to know about the address, no? Perhaps that's an explanation why they established a Beta Site in the end... ), as Jaffa were appearing from everywhere like the last time.

Jack had fallen back a bit because he was carrying Sam. He called to Jonas,

"Go, save yourself."

This time Jonas followed his order though he did not want to leave him behind. From the corner of his eye he saw how Jack was struck down by a zat blast...

Samantha felt how she landed on hard ground. Instantly she regained consciousness seeing that Jack was unconscious, lying on the ground next to her. Jaffa were approaching them. She saw a bluish hue and turned her head realizing that they were close to the activated Stargate.

She jumped up ignoring her pain knowing exactly what to do. She took Jack's arms and pulled him toward it. A staff blast hit her leg; she struggled feeling how the pain quickly found its way through her entire body.

Only a few steps to the reach event horizon. Slowly darkness began to cloud Samantha's mind, she gathered all her remaining strength, pulling Jack closer toward her and jumping forward, then it was all over, shortly before she entered the wormhole everything went black.

Slowly she opened her eyes. Great surprise overcame her as she saw that she had not been returned to Baal's fortress. This place was something else. She thought for a moment, she recalled it. This was the infirmary of Cheyenne Mountain Complex.

All of a sudden her memories came back. Sam Carter had returned home.

She turned her head to see that Janet was standing next to her bed.

"Sam, how are you feeling?" her friend inquired worriedly.

"I'm okay", she returned a little weakly, "How's Jack?"

"He's going to be fine again", Janet told her, "he has caught in a lot, you all did. I'm happy you're back here."

"Me, too", Sam sat up carefully hugging her friend, "Can I see him?"

"If you feel strong enough", she helped her to get up.

Jack cursed. He was about to wake up again and he was absolutely sure that he would awake in hell. But then he finally opened his eyes and at first he could not believe what he was seeing.

He was back at the SGC and Sam was bending down over him.

"Hey", he whispered reaching out his hand to touch her cheek.

She took his hand between hers smiling, "You look cute when you're sleeping."

Both of them giggled and Jack kept on grinning even as the giggling made him cough.

"Not when I'm awake?" he retorted.

"Then you're even cuter", she smirked.

He pulled her closer toward him. "I'm so glad you remember", he whispered, "Welcome home, Sam."

This was not hell, it was heaven.

Fin

Oh-kay, that's it. The next exam block is near. But though here's a little preview:

In my next fic I'll dedicate to the Serena fans among you . I've got some really good ideas for her return.

Then I'm gonna do something completely new: my very first try of an own Stargate/Sailor Moon crossover.

Maybe that's something for Dark Card Mistress.

If I don't find time to get this started before the exams it'll be up in March latest.

Thanks for all your attention and reviews so far.


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